Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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