Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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