Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I puked a lego.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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