if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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