oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
