I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
