So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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