i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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