When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
