you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
