my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
