when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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