guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
