I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
