Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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