just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
