When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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