My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
