girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
handjob tips. give me some.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
