I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
