I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
