Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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