I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
