Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
