Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
