Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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