totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
