its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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