i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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