Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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