Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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