if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
