Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
