i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
