I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
