DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
