I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
