You really coming over, don't trick.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
