I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
