you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
