I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
