Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
