The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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