My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
