Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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