I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
