Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
