with your own penis?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
