Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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