the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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