You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
