i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
