I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
