did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
