So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
