She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
