If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
