Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
