I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i think i just lost a toe
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
